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USA: Joe Pytka, 1996

The marketing executive's wet dream, this film would be an amusing satire of the mentality of these people if it wasn't real. Let's see, what do kids like? Aliens - check. Basketball - check. Bugs Bunny - check. All perfectly acceptable subjects for movies on their own, but who in their right mind would try to combine them together? This attrociously bad film sees Bugs Bunny and the other Looney Tunes enlist the aid of Michael Jordan in order to defeat a band of space invaders by playing a game of intergalactic basketball. Excited yet? Apart from being ridiculous in the extreme, this film rapes the personalities of the Looney Tunes and makes a bad joke out of cartoon characters that were once loved by millions but are here reduced to little more than brand names to be marketed. The film barely broke even, and rightly so: those responsible for this attrocity should not be employable.

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USA: Joseph Ruben, 2004

This supernatural thriller vehicle for Julianne Moore is well acted and evocatively photographed, but that's about it. The story is duller than ditchwater for the majority of its running time, and then in the final act becomes so laughably ridiculous as to completely destroy my suspension of disbelief. The DVD features both the theatrical cut and an extended version with an alternate ending, and I'm still trying to describe which has the more rediculous conclusion.

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USA/UK: Robert Zemeckis/Richard Williams, 1988

"Overrated" with a capital "O" is the best word to describe this brash, over-animated combination of cartoon characters and live action. While impressive on a technical level (at least for its time), and featuring a moderately engaging noir mystery, the style and excessive nature of the portrayal of the cartoon characters quickly wears thin. Roger Rabbit has got to be the most annoying talking bunny in existence, and the fact that he won't-fucking-stay-still-for-one-second is infuriating in the extreme. The dialogue seems to lurch between being very funny (love the jokes about Eddie Valiant's drinking habit) and cringe-worthy (the attempts at puns, usually from the mouths of the 'toons, are just annoying). An important film from a historical standpoint (it arguably ushered in the animation renaissance of the early 90s), but nothing like as good as people make out.

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Original title: Una Lucertola con la Pelle di Donna
Italy: Lucio Fulci, 1971

I'm now fully prepared to admit that I may have underestimated Lucio Fulci as a director. Having only previously seen Don't Torture a Duckling and being impressed but hardly ecstatic about it, A Lizard in a Woman's Skin, his first giallo, has allowed me to see him in a whole new light. This delightfully messed-up, trippy, hallucinatory mystery combines wacky visuals, kooky characters and dodgy dealings galore to create an extremely involving and unpredictable mystery. Florinda Bolkan is solid in the role, essentially playing the same character later portrayed by Edwige Fenech in the similar All the Colours of the Dark a year later.

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Original title: Quattro Mosche di Velluto Grigio
Italy: Dario Argento, 1971

Well, I've finally seen it. Okay, so it was on a crummy bootleg DVD-R obviously mastered from a beat-up 8th generation VHS tape, the colours were distorted, detail was non-existent, it was virtually impossible to make out what was going on in the night scenes and the audio was warped beyond recognition, but I've seen it. The most elusive of all Dario Argento's films, Four Flies has never seen an official release on DVD, and the prospect of that ever happening continues to look unlikely. Which is a damn shame, because in my opinion this is the best of his early "Animal" trilogy, elipsing The Cat O' Nine Tails and just managing to beat The Bird with the Crystal Plumage. It's certainly the most heavily stylized of the three, with superb camerawork and an off-beat, jaunty jazzy score by Ennio Morricone. Also, even though I already had read a number of analyses of the film and therefore knew not only who died but when and how, as well as the identity of the villain, the storyline was still hugely compelling and seeing it all unravel was a real treat. Please, please, please, someone give this film an official release so I can appreciate it fully.

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Canada: David Cronenberg, 1988

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USA: Stephen Hillenburg, 2004

Delightfully silly and delightfully funny animated tale. This movie is an absolute blast. SpongeBob may be a second-rate imitation of Ren & Stimpy, with some of the more annoying aspects of Rocko's Modern Life thrown in for good measure (SpongeBob creator Steve Hillenburg worked on that show), but the movie itself is a blast. It's a pleasure to see an actual CARTOON for once, and one that doesn't take itself seriously at that. Viva SpongeBob! Viva Patrick Starfish! Viva David Hasselhoff!

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USA: Quentin Tarantino, 1994

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Canada/UK: David Cronenberg, 2002

I've just seen Spider, after leaving it on the shelf for months. I must say I wasn't really impressed. The theme was interesting and was dealt with in an intriguing way, but it moves at a snail's pace and in terms of style lacks Cronenberg's usual flair. It just struck me as depressing - which, I guess, was the intention - and it's not a film I see myself revisiting too often.

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USA: Baz Luhrmann, 1996

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