The. Pretentious. Entertainers.



SAN DIEGO, Calif. - September 11 2006 - The Pretentious Entertainers today concluded the DYING FEATHERS promotional world tour with a surprise performance at their coffea arabica venue of choice, Life 21 in the heart of San Diego.

For loyal Entertainers fans, this was their final chance to see the world's premiere musicians in the flesh before they retire for a period of temporary recuperation and meditation. Said band manager Sir Bramley Marseilles, speaking on behalf of the Entertainers, who were too fatigued to communicate: "The Pretentious Entertainers' ambitious and prestigious world tour is considered a phenomenal success, in terms of both the Entertainers' personal growth as artists and sociogogic statespersons, and of the hope that has entered the hearts of all who witnessed the magic of their songsmithery."

In recent months, the numerous online newsgroups and message boards dedicated to the Entertainers have been aflame with controversy, following the news that the auction of Sven Grundeberg's prestigious coffee table sold for less money than had previously been anticipated, resulting in the Australasian leg of the band's tour being cancelled. Explained Sir Bramley: "The Entertainers evaluated their success in world terms, and determined that Australia would be the city least affected by their absence. The Australian people are a rustic sort, and unappreciative of all but the most rudimentary percussive musics." Additionally, it was revealed that the pithy choice of a mere four varieties of flavored water at the Sydney Opera House cemented their decision to abandon it at short notice. The proceeds of the tickets sold will now be placed in a trust fund to pay for the creative development of the Entertainers' next album.

Finally, Sir Bramley stated that the Entertainers intended to publish their memoirs before the end of the year. Entitled THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT! - THE PRETENIOUS ENTERTAINERS STORY, the band will collaborate with renowned editor Horace Powdergristle to create a 1,000 page tome charting the remarkable tale of their rise to fame.

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Sven and groupie, high on pot and on LIFE
fig: Sven with groupie, high on pot and on LIFE


SAN DIEGO, Calif. - June 3 2006 - Entertainers collaborator Sven Grundeberg has joined us on MySpace! Check out his profile and read his blog!

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fig: Svensktackord cover featuring Raymond


SAN DIEGO, Calif. - June 3 2006 - Raymond Ferrera and Sven Grundeberg are interviewed in the July 2006 issue of Svensktackord, Sweden's #1 music journal. Be sure to pick up a copy to find out what the band think about their popularity in Scandinavia, the war in Iraq, mullets and more!

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The lyrics contained on the table
The table

Sven Grundeberg auctions prestigious coffee table

SAN DIEGO, Calif. - June 3 2006 - Legendary Swedish rap pioneer Sven Grundeberg, who collaborated with the Pretentious Entertainers (NASDAQ: ENTRS) on their recently released album, DYING FEATHERS, is auctioning the coffee table upon which he penned the memorable ballad CHINA TEA. The glass oval, which displays the genuine indelible ink of Sven's fountain pen, is a rare artefact of the heady process of creating an Entertainers album and belongs in the home of every true fan.

Aficionados may bid on the item here.

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New disque

Dying Feathers on sale today

SAN DIEGO, Calif. - April 24 2006 - DYING FEATHERS, the latest visionary product from the Pretentious Entertainers (NASDAQ: ENTRS), was launched today at an exclusive gathering in San Diego's top coffee maison Life 21, where the Entertainers - Raymond Ferrera, Rodriguez Esperanto and Clint Barbarella - shook hands with dignitaries and signed copies of the record.

Also attending the gathering were Sir Bramley Marseilles, the band's manager, Gareth Cavalier Goatherder III, the pioneering DJ who produced the record, and Sven Grundeberg, the Scandinavian musical sensation who needs no introduction. These six men of genius all agreed that the collaboration had been a veritable rollercoaster ride, and look forward to working together on many future projects. For Goatherder especially, the production of the record was an incredibly fruitful affair, for he rented out his Eastern European castle to the Entertainers when they were in the preliminary phases of penning their latest ballads.

Said Pretentious Entertainers CEO, lead vocalist and guitarist Rodriguez Esperanto, during a much-needed coffee break in between ink-stamping his signature on to copies of the album, "The Pretentious Entertainers are incredibly delighted that our hours of dilligent work have finally paid off and that loyal fans can now hold a copy of the record in their hands. Many doubted that we would top the phenomenal quality of our first album, HEAVEN'S BURDEN BY THE PRETENTIOUS ENTERTAINERS, but now that DYING FEATHERS is finally available, I look at them and say 'phooey'!"

For Raymond Ferrera, the band's lead creative pioneer, drummer and backing vocalist, the release of the album is especially poignant. During the final stages of DYING FEATHERS' production, his pet poodle Frou-Frou took a turn for the worst and was put down. "The title of the album is a direct reference to my little Frou-Frou," said he. There were tears in his eyes as he continued: "She gave the band many hours of pleasure and her influence on our sound will be sadly missed." The album is dedicated to Frou-Frou, although due to a printing gaffe the dedication message has been printed on a stick-on label. (Available separately; please send cheque for $40 to Pretentious Records LLC, 1 Guttersnipe Plaza, San Diego, CA 12980.) Meanwhile, a new dog has been purchased and will feature in the Entertainers' upcoming world tour.

The event ended as the third member of the band, Clint Barbarella, took out his accoustic whistle and performed a solo rendition of WHEN THE WILDEBEASTS LEAVE, a mournful ballad dedicated to the memory of a herd of wildebeasts recently decimated during an Entertainers hunting trip in the Sahara. There was not a dry eye in the house, with even the notoriously stoic Sven Grundeberg sobbing like a small child.

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fig: Guitar (gih-TAH-ar)

Entertainers² coming soon

SAN DIEGO, Calif. - April 1 2006 - Pretentious Records LLC today announced details of the upcoming new album by the Pretentious Entertainers (NASDAQ: ENTRS). Following an extensive rebranding process, the entire creative team of Raymond Ferrera, Clint Barbarella, and Rodriguez Esperanto was proud to unveil exclusive information regarding their sophomore album, titled DYING FEATHERS.

"With DYING FEATHERS the Entertainers are striking out into bold new territory," said Raymond Ferrera, the band's frontman as well as its chief writer, drummer, backing vocalist and lead creative pioneer. "After honing the sound we developed on our first album (HEAVEN'S BURDEN by the Pretentious Entertainers) we really came into our own as creative writers. The new album sounds unique and new while still retaining that special Entertainers mood our fans have come to love."

"Everyone can relate to the Entertainers," added Rodriguez Esperanto, the band's CEO, lead vocalist, guitarist and talent coordinator. "From grandmothers in Phoenix to toddlers in Albuquerque, our music has something for everyone and this is especially true of the new album."

From their humble beginners as a supporting act for Dodgy Records Of Arabia's renowned prodigies Sounds Of Abba, the Entertainers have certainly come a long way. With dozens of fans the world over, the Entertainers look forward to unveiling their new record in just a few weeks' time. Until then, however, bass guitarist and accoustic whistler Clint Barbarella teased loyal Entertainers followers with a few choice details:

"The new album will have an authentic vibe of the 60s but also the 90s," he stated. "Our key influences are, as ever, Elton John, STEPS, and Plutonic Necrophobia, but we are also working towards a unique Uzbekistani air, combining sorrowful dance music with quietly confident jazz."

"Top Swedish rap artist Sven Grundeberg had a profound effect on our work," added Ferrera. The Scandinavian megastar, who first met the band while attending an Entertainers gig in Lapland, contributed lyrics to several of the songs on the new record, including the acclaimed "China Tea", "Broken Dolls", and "Ching Ching Cha Cha Cha". These songs have already met with rave reviews despite the fact that the Entertainers have kept them under tight wraps and not allowed anyone to hear them.

With an initial print run of over one hundred (100) copies, DYING FEATHERS' place in the pantheon of great records in assured. Fans can only hold their collective breath as they await its glorious arrival on the shelves of all good Gay & Alternative music stores.

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A recent sold-out Pretentious Entertainers concert (Tom Cruise in crowd somewhere)
fig: A recent sold-out Pretentious Entertainers concert (Tom Cruise in crowd somewhere)

Pretentious Entertainers announce conversion to Scientology

SAN DIEGO, Calif. - March 11 2006 - The Pretentious Entertainers (NASDAQ: ENTRS) today announced their recent conversion to Scientology at a press conference in San Diego.

The news was greeted by gasps of surprise as reporters from all over the world, who had gathered in the anticipation of new details regarding the Entertainers' upcoming second album, swiftly changed track and plied the band with questions regarding their unexpected conversion.

"It was a natural progression for us," explained Rodriguez Esperanto, Pretentous Entertainers CEO, lead vocalist, guitarist and talent coordinator. "As musicians we have always felt that mainstream methods of expression are ill-equipped to define our unique philosophy. With Scientology we are able to fulfil a lifelong dream and commune with like-minded intellectuals."

It all started when Tom Cruise, an up-and-coming character actor and pioneering Scientologist, requested an audience with the Entertainers following a performance in a San Francisco shopping mall. Cruise was invited backstage, where he and the Entertainers drank mocha and discussed their mutual admiration of L. Ron Hubbard. "Apparently Tom has been a huge Entertainers fan ever since he heard us playing on the radio," said band member Raymond Ferrera, the Entertainers' chief writer, drummer, backing vocalist and lead creative pioneer, whose favorite film, XANADU (in which Cruise had a minor role), inspired him to become a creative visionary. "He even had a limited edition first pressing of HEAVEN'S BURDEN from Peru which he asked us to sign."

Talk turned to religion and Cruise asked the boys if they had ever considered becoming Scientologists. The Entertainers, whose previous experiments with Islam, Judaism and homosexuality had left them unfulfilled, were initially sceptical, but they soon changed their minds when they heard the names of the celebrities who had already embraced the cult. "It seems that everyone's who's anybody in the entertainment business is a Scientologist," enthused bass guitarist and accoustic whistler Clint Barbarella. "As we are at the forefront of the industry, how could we stand back and let a chance like this pass us by?"

The Entertainers' conversion ceremony was held at a secret location in the Beverly Hills area of Los Angeles, where an undisclosed sum of money was exchanged. The Entertainers do not believe that their lifestyle change will affect the release date of their upcoming record.

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Elton John performing a Pretentious Entertainers COPYRIGHTED song at a recent concert
fig: Elton John performing a Pretentious Entertainers COPYRIGHTED song at a recent concert

Pretentious Entertainers announce class action lawsuit

SAN DIEGO, Calif. - January 12 2006 - The Pretentious Entertainers (NASDAQ: ENTRS) today began legal proceedings for a class action lawsuit against several members of the music industry, whom they alledge stole key creative ideas and maliciously profited from the band's goodwill.

Late last year, the Entertainers attended an All You Can Eat buffet meal at Pizza Hut, Helsinki, Finland, which, coincidentally, was also attended by several other musicians, including Elton John, Gary Glitter, the Beach Boys and Destiny's Child. There, the Entertainers discussed ideas for future projects, unaware that their unscrupulous rivals were listening to their conversation.

Weeks later, the Entertainers were shocked to discover that the latest albums from Elton John, Gary Glitter and Destiny's Child contained songs which used lyrics identical to the ones that they themselves were planning on writing in just a few minutes' time! Meanwhile, the Beach Boys performed the classic Entertainers song HEAVEN'S BURDEN on the radio without crediting the Entertainers or asking them for permission to use their ideas.

"This, clearly, is the artistic equivalent of rape," said Pretentious Entertainers frontman Raymond Ferrera. There were tears in his eyes as he recounted the pillaging of his life's work. "Mark my words, though, you will not be allowed to get away with this," he warned the unscrupulous thieves. "We will make you understand the true meaning of suffering."

Indeed, earlier in 2005, the Entertainers won substantial financial compensation after proving that their former collaborator Avril Lavigne copied key concepts from their wardrobe and image and used them for her own personal gain. Lavigne was sentenced to several hours of community service and was forced to rebrand, while the Entertainers themselves organized public burnings of her CDs, graphic novels and apparel.

If rumors are to be believed, the band have far more severe punishments in mind for their latest imitators. Entertainers manager Sir Bramley Marseilles will be personally spearheading the legal campaign to ensure that Elton John, Gary Glitter, the Beach Boys and Destiny's Child will never again be allowed to polute the airwaves with their filth.

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Pretentious Entertainers pull out of charity concert

SAN DIEGO, Calif. - December 20 2005 - At a press conference today, the Pretentious Entertainers (NASDAQ: ENTRS) explained their shock decision to pull out of a live performance in a local supermarket at the last minute. The Entertainers, who were due to front-line a drive to raise money for several children's charities, told the press of their shock and anger at the news that they themselves were not due a percentage of the proceeds.

"Quite simply, we felt insulted," said Raymond "Duke" Ferrera, the Entertainers' lead creative pioneer, drummer and backing vocalist. "To expect us to work for free implied that we were no better than the Top 40 hacks who pollute MTV and VH1."

Band CEO, lead vocalist and guitarist Rodriguez Esperanto continued: "We didn't think it fair that the children should get all the money. Besides, they're poor anyway, so they have less need of it than us."

Suggestions that the Entertainers were being greedy were rapidly quashed by the band's manager, media mogul Sir Bramley Marseilles, who appeared on stage to personally field questions. "These allegations are preposterous," declared the incensed Sir Marseilles. "The Pretentious Entertainers have done more for charity than UNICEF, OXFAM and Christian Aid combined!" Indeed, last year the Entertainers participated in the prestigious Make Poverty Fashionable campaign, even going so far as to denote a damaged guitar to a small African village.

Asked whether the Entertainers would consider participating in any future charity endeavors, Sir Marseilles and the band declined to comment. They did, however, take the time to plug the recently released HEAVEN'S BURDEN BY THE PRETENTIOUS ENTERTAINERS: THE HARD-HOUSE REMIX BY M.C. MONKEE, available in all good Electronique music stores.

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Pretentious Entertainers cartoon series coming soon

SAN DIEGO, Calif. - November 23 2005 - The Pretentious Entertainers (NASDAQ: ENTRS) recently completed talks with Nelvana, the award-winning animation studio behind such classics as ARTHUR, FRANKLIN and PIPPI LONGSTOCKING, to create a cartoon series based on their incredible journey to fame.

Acclaimed scenarist and creative genius Larry Schwarz has been tapped to pen the pilot episode, which sees the Entertainers meeting for the first time in the Middle East and bonding over their shared love of Elton John. Preliminary character designs, created by the immensely talented J.C. Wegman, met with rapturous approval by teh Entertainers, who were recently invited to tour the Nelvana suite in Toronto. Meanwhile, top Korean animators are already hard at work animating the Entertainers' mouth movements.

"Our leap into the animated world confirms the growth of our establishment as a part of the North American media zeitgeist," said the band's lead creative pioneer, drummer and backing vocalist, Raymond "Duke" Ferrera. "Not even the Beach Boys had their own cartoon." Ferrera, along with fellow musicians Rodriguez Esperanto and Clint Barbarella, will provide his own voice in the pilot episode. In future broadcasts, out of consideration for the band's busy schedule, Billy West, creator of Bugs Bunny, will voice all three Entertainers.

A whole host of special celebrity guest stars are lined up to play themselves over the course of the initial run of 600 episodes. Ashlee Simpson, who worked with the band on numerous occasions as a fellow member of their former label Dodgy Records, will feature in the pilot, while a future episode, in which the Entertainers act as mentors for the Beatles, will include Ringo Starr and John Lennon.* Nelvana scriptwriters are already drafting storylines to accomodate future guest stars, including Michael Jackson, Tom Cruise, Rowan Atkinson and Ludwig Van Beethoven.

"We are delighted to be taking the cartoon world by storm," said Barbarella. "I guarantee that nothing else quite like it exists in prime time." THE PRETENTIOUS ENTERTAINERS: THE ANIMATED SERIES is expected to begin airing on Fox in Fall 2006.

* Celebrity voice impersonated.

More press releases here.

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New vision

The new album from the Pretentious Entertainers

* Order your copy now
to be sure of getting your piece of the magic *

Tracklist ~

1. HERE WE GO (written by Raymond Ferrera)
Raymond Ferrera penned HERE WE GO during a moment of meditation prior to going on stage with the rest of the band to perform the song FILTHY LUCRE from their freshman album. The words of the new song are identical to those of FILTHY LUCRE, but the meaning behind them is purer and more ephemeral.

2. BROKEN DOLLS (written by Raymond Ferrera and Sven Grundeberg; music by Clint Barbarella)
"BROKEN DOLLS is about lost youth and a childhood torn asunder by rampaging aquanauts," explains Raymond Ferrera. "Sven Grundeberg and I wrote it for all the little boys and girls who will never know what it is like to ride the bucking bronco, to swim with the dolphins, to dance with the shooting stars." "Ultimately," agrees Clint Barbarella, "it is a ballad about child abuse."

3. WHEN THE WILDEBEASTS LEAVE (written by Raymond Ferrera and Rodriguez Esperanto)
WHEN THE WILDEBEASTS LEAVE is the Entertainers' ode to Mother Nature. On their recent world tour, they went on a hunting trip to the Sahara and shot many wildebeasts. Suddenly, their hearts were filled with remorse and, in order to repay the damage they did to the wildebeast colonies, they dedicate this song to their tragic loss.

4. KING OF THE TRIGUNS (written by Rodriguez Esperanto and Sven Grundeberg)
The Pretentious Entertainers all agree that their bond with Swedish megastar Sven Grundeberg owes a considerable debt to their shared love of the classic anime TRIGUN. One afternoon, after watching the latest imported video copy from Japan, Grundeberg joined forces with Rodriguez Esperanto to pen a tribute to the show. "It was the best episode we had ever seen," remarks Esperanto.

5. CHINA TEA (written by Sven Grundeberg)
Top Swedish rap artist Sven Grundeberg requested an audience with the Entertainers and, over latte at the exclusive coffee maison Life 21, discussed pressing intellectual issues such as the war in Iraq. Grundeberg was so impressed by the Entertainers' burning passion and obvious genius that he rushed straight home and immediately penned this love ballad to the magic of that glorious evening. So intense was his passion that the words flew from his pen like semen and landed on his coffee table. Such was his frenzy that he did not have time to fetch paper, meaning that the words will be for ever.

6. MOTHER OF ALL PERVERSION (written by Raymond Ferrera; music by Raymond Ferrera and Rodriguez Esperanto)
MOTHER OF ALL PERVERSION tells the tragic tale of the Entertainers' long-running struggle with homosexuality. Unable to talk about their ordeal in conventional terms, the boys set their story to music and experienced a great release as the words sprang from their lips and flew into the microphone in the recording booth.

7. DYING FEATHERS (written by Raymond Ferrera, Rodriguez Esperanto and Clint Barbarella)
The album's title track will also be its first single. All three Entertainers collaborated on this very special ballad, something that has not happened since the glory days of their first explosive record. More than any other song, it captures the essence of what it means to be the Pretentious Entertainers. "It is about love, life, lucre and lamentation," says Clint Barbarella. "Quite simply, it is US."

8. CHING CHING CHA CHA CHA (written by Sven Grundeberg and Raymond Ferrera)
No song on the record bears the inimitable influence of Sven Grundeberg than the remarkable CHING CHING CHA CHA CHA. Penned by the Swedish rap entrepeneur in a moment of unbridled creativity, it recounts an epic tale without the conventions of word. What is CHING CHING CHA CHA CHA about? "It is about everything," exclaims Grundeberg, "and it is about nothing."

9. DEEPEST DARK (written by Rodriguez Esperanto, Clint Barbarella and Gary Goatherder)
"DEEPEST DARK is about what happens when you go so far that you can't turn back," reveals Clint Barbarella. "Have you ever got the feeling that you're walking through a tunnel with no beginning and no end? I have, and once I saw a light in the distance, but it turned out to only be the headlights of a car." DEEPEST DARK is for anyone who has ever found themselves walking through such a tunnel.

10. THE FALL OF JEREMY THORPE [[TRICKED-OUT U.S. VERSION]] (written by Rodriguez Esperanto, Clint Barbarella and Raymond "Duke" Ferrera)
North American Entertainers fans who purchased the band's previous album, HEAVEN'S BURDEN BY THE PRETENTIOUS ENTERTAINERS, were shocked and appalled to discover that THE FALL OF JEREMY THORPE, the elusive 12th track found on European pressings of the record, was nowhere to be found. To pay penance, the Entertainers re-recorded an extra-special version of the ode for their new album.

Special Arab bonus track: HEAVEN'S BURDEN [[HIP-HOP REMIX]]
Swedish rap king Sven Grundeberg and Arabic singing sensation Adbhul "Bob" Jafar have collaborated to bring Entertainers fans in the Middle East an extra special musical treat.

The Credits ~

Rodriguez Esperanto:
CEO, lead vocals, guitars

Raymond Ferrera:
Lead creative pioneer, drums, backing vocals

Clint Barbarella:
Bass guitar, accoustic whistle, backing vocals

Sven Grundeberg:
Executive producer, creative inspirer

Gareth Cavalier Goatherder III:

Sir Bramley Marseilles:

Comfy armchair

Orginal and best
The classic album that launched the Pretentious Entertainers' careers is still available! Order your copy of HEAVEN'S BURDEN BY THE PRETENTIOUS ENTERTAINERS!

Rodriguez Raymond Clint
Click the Entertainers' faces to hear the facts of life!

Biography ~
Inscribed by Quentin Entwhistle

For even though listening to their CD and reading this biography may be your first introduction to our band, they have became an institution in eastern Europe. They are a part of their culture, and their religion, but now it is the time to see them leave our country to achieve the fame and recognition they deserve.

Their history will forever remain a history.

It was the summer of 2000. Rodriguez Esperanto, living in Japan, was inspired into forming a band by listening heavily to such popular Western music artists as Britney Spears, Mandy Moore, and Steps. Reading popular Japanese music magazine Riot Patch, an idea appeared into Rodriguez's head... one that would take him to another world.

Rodriguez went to America in search of his bass guitar and acoustic whistle players. While visiting a club in Pennsylvania, he overheard Clint Barbarella playing for a local metal band. The band were booed off stage, but Clint's acoustic whistle playing held a place in Rodriguez's mind, and after the show he approached Clint with his idea. After a discussion that lasted well into the night, it was decided Clint would join the band - on condition of free cola.

Months passed while the two band mates searched high and low for a drummer who could help them achieve their vision. Enter Raymond Ferrera.

Raymond had just finished school when he was offered a record contract for a top Arab record label. Unfortunately for him, he couldn't sing and the record company dropped him 8 hours later. Unsure of his future prospects, he advertised in the Arab Telegraph for, as he quotes, "a band in need of a drummer to bash away in the background whilst listening to Elton John through headphones!"

On a working holiday with friends, Rodriguez and Clint picked up the newspaper and saw the advert. Not believing their luck, they arranged a meeting with Raymond to explain their circumstances. At first he was unsure, but a month later he joined... and so the band was complete... or was it? Raymond Ferrera's parents owned their Arab state, and wanted their son to take over their reign when they passed on. Upon hearing the news that their son was to move to Japan to start a band, his parents fumed and banned their son from seeing the other members of the band.

That didn't stop him, and the band started playing some local gigs soon after to raise funds to move to Japan. After one gig, a representative for local independent record company Dodgy Records signed the band to a 3-year contract promising lucrative sponsorships and more. There was only one small catch... the band couldn't leave Arabia!

Securing menial jobs for paltry wages, the Pretentious Entertainers gathered enough money to began recording and producing demos in substandard studios around the city and soon after, bootlegs of these demos were stolen from the studio and sent around the world, generating enough buzz for the band to become cult favourites around the world.

Now that 3 years have ended and the band have stuck a new deal with American record label Pretentious Records, where their every move is backtracked and anything unsuitable to an audience of Best Buy and TARGET customers isn't worth selling. The Pretentious Entertainers are here - now go buy their record!